Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
