Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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