He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize