Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
