maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
