I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Randomize
