the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
then he tried to convert me to islam
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize