Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
