i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize