I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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