if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
