Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
