we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
