It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
