"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
