i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
