NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
