I got chris browned last night
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
