I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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