He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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