Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
