He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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