I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
