The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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