Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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