The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
