I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
