I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
