how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
