I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
