Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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