That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he fucked my hip out of place.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
