u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
