well I can't set my house on fire every night
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
