you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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