Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
