Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
