Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize