summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
