we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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