Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
