im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
