I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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