Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
