His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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