It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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