shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
