Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
