Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
