you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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