can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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