How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
