My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
