It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Sext me about skeletons
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
