you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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