What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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