trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
