I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
