The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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