Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
