I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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