He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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