Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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