Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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