barbara walters just said penis...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
