Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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