CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
